My name is Roger. I am a greyhound. And that, precisely is the problem.
I am not grey. I am a nice shade of white with some lovely dark patches. My friend from along the street has fine brindle markings yet he is also called a greyhound. His girlfriend is a beautiful fawn colour and would certainly be a contender for the centre pages of PlayHound. Yet she is also known as a greyhound. Even worse, an acquantaince of mine, Big Dave, actually is coloured grey yet his master refers to him as being coloured blue for some peculiar reason that is known only to humans.
It is time this madness stopped. I therefore propose that the name, ‘GAGAH’ be changed to ‘GAGWFBAH’, meaning Give a Greyhound and a Whitehound and a Fawnhound and a Brindlehound A Home. I appreciate that this may still exclude some of us who have a combination of shades in our coats so alternatively, what about ‘GWWFCGBARMCHAH’ meaning Give What Were Formerly Called Greyhounds But Are Really Multi Coloured Hounds A Home.
Should you humans conspire to ignore these requests, I will make it my business to organise a general strike amongst ‘grey’ hounds. Yes, I appreciate that humans may scoff at the idea and think we are so lazy a breed that nobody would even notice if we went on strike or not. Having said this, an organised campaign for strategic carpet soiling, selective theft and consumption of certain household articles and apparent, sudden deafness are all things that are well within our grasp. Please do not force us to take this action. All we ask is that we are referenced in the proper manner. Calling us all ‘grey’ suggest a dull, shabby breed and we find that offensive.
I must go now and write to Big Dave to explain what I meant by that last sentence, that is, before he comes to me and asking me to explain myself.