Yous gotta mum whose a veggiewhatsit! Oooooh thats bad real bad. What rotten luck! If she loved ya, I mean really really loved ya she would buy yummy meat just for you. Our mum says 'theres more reasons to shop at Morrisons' cos she can buy cheapo ox heart all chopped up and she gets us mince and value chicken legs and fings. It gets boiled in the magic box and we have the juices made into gravy Mmmmmm! Your mum could get a mini magic box (slow cooker) just to cook yer dead fings in! Good dead fings come in cans to. Pilchards in tomato sauce YUM!

You should complain to Di and she would soon sort your Ma out I bet.

We found a cat in our garden this morning and it was nearly a dead fing too! Luckily it could fly! Cor yer should ave seen it take orf, straight into orbit over the garden wall. Mum was cross wiv us for chasin it but it was treshpassing. Only our cat is allowed in our garden!

Ps Our mum says she had this veggiewhatsit problem once upon a time but Dad wanted roast beef and cured her with a bacon sandwich - good old Dad! Mind you she keeps threatening bean loaf and the veggies books are still on the shelf. I think we are safe cos beans & veggies makes Dad fart even worse than Poppy does! Love Tara.

PSS We is having happy thotts to.